It’s the strangest thing. I told someone yesterday that this is probably the most reclusive I’ve ever been in my whole life.
I, Miss Social Butterfly, am definitely going through a Happy Hermit period in my life.
It was a wonderful Mother’s Day yesterday. I had been a little apprehensive about it. I hadn’t really been sure what to expect, since it would be the first time I couldn’t physically get all of my kids together in one place. But between Britty’s blog, which made me cry - my son Jay calling me - and my son Creed being home and an email he wrote to me as a gift - it was priceless and tender and relaxed and sweet.
Other than that, I slept part of the day, for working third shift Saturday night. And I was on the computer looking up such diverse things as “roll out pantry” and “The Woman Who Can’t Forget”. For no reason other than I was interested and to me, Internet access is like having this huge unlimited library at my fingertips day and night.
And I watched both “The Princess Diaries” and “Mary Poppins” in their entirety, deciding both that I adore Julie Andrews and that Dick Van Dyke had to be the coolest dancer ever in the pre-Michael-Jackson-and-Usher era. Gene Kelly was cool yes - very cool. But there has never been a more malleable and expressive face than old Dick’s to go with it.
And I revelled in sprawling on my own little couch in my own little home - padding up and down the hallway to the bathroom or the bedroom in my bare feet. I looked in the mirror for a few times, thought to myself “Yeesh! Girl, you might want to do something with yourself” and then didn’t.
In the past, this “caving” or “holing up” has been a sign of depression in me. Usually a mourning ritual of some kind.
This time, I don’t feel depressed one whit.
Tired, a little. For hormonal and work-schedule reasons.
But other than that, it just feels so right and perfectly decadent and self-indulgent to sit and sip my hot hot cups of morning coffee and wake up slowly. To sit on my bed at night and wrestle with the puppies - to their delight and mine - for an hour before we go to sleep. To just be home and let my spirit fill up my surroundings.
Right now, I just don’t seem to have it in me to be there for a lot of people to a large degree.
I was thinking the other other night that it’s almost like being in labor, when you feel yourself slipping the bonds of the “normal world” and descending into someplace where you are pulled along, where you have to go.
I think I’m going through a cleaning-out-and-healing process at an accelerated rate. Probably cuz God knows I typically don’t allow myself time for that kind of shit. Get it while the gettin’s good, you know?
I know that the wordless insights and epiphanies are coming at an amazing rate - not big “Eureka!” things - just little stuff. Like little Tetris pieces falling gracefully and soundlessly into place.
I feel good. Really good. And when I don’t, I veg out on the couch or take a nap.
Is this normal?
No, it’s not normal.
It’s rare. And awesome.
Which is better than normal.
I think I did finally put make up on yesterday, wait, no I didn’t. Yup, laid around the house, read a book…I Love Mother’s Day!
It’s not normal. It’s phenomenal, and I am damn jealous of it!
It’s great that you had such a great weekend. Happy Belated Mother’s day!
i’m not even a mom and i did the same thing yesterday! thank you for writing the post that i should have written: i am ok, just enjoying being a hermit a bit.
much love to you, pretty lady.
Happy (belated) Mother’s Day. I think that you’re an awesome Mom — I wish you were mine. (I’m not saying anything against my mother — she died when I was four years old. I miss her.)
Glad you had a nice, relaxing Mother’s Day. I love being a hermit, especially when there is no depression involved. It’s a blessing just to have some peace and quiet. Enjoy your precious ‘me’ time.